WINTER BOREDOM ?

It's OK to be bored. It's OK not to know what to do next. The word BOREDOM has received a bad reputation. 

Boredom is the mind's rest, that moment of indecision. 
Too often we hear, " If you're bored I'll give you something to do", and we all know what that means! That something is usually in the form of chores or distasteful tasks.


It's OK to be bored. It's OK not to know what to do next. Our minds need the TIME to rest and think to decide on our next move. Children need that time too.


Next time someone is bored: 

• Ask them, "What do you feel like doing?" giving them time to think, all the while remaining silent, but ready to listen wholeheartedly to what they have to say.

• Ask about their recent projects and playthings, perhaps they want to continue on but have forgotten. 

•  "Strew". . .  put things out in sight that might catch their eye or get them interested or spark a new thought.

• Start your own activity nearby and they might decide to join in or it may inspire an idea.

•  Change it up. Life, that is. Do things in a different way. Change the room around. Eat meals in a new spot. Try new foods. Take different routes to the same places.

Other activities:
-Bundle up and go outside, even for 10 minutes. Breathing the cold air invigorates and refreshes. Explore and discover and find something to bring inside.


-Watch movies, mostly musicals, and set it up like a movie theater with popcorn and drinks.


-Make tents with blankets, sheets, tablecloths held together with clothespins. Bring in flashlights and books and playthings.


- Blow up balloons and bat them around the room with your hands. Make a line with masking tape as a boundary line to hit back and forth.


-Make a rice box ( or beans, lentils ,etc) and add clear containers , measuring cups, spoons, funnels.


- Have tea parties, with real tea using fancy adult tea cups and foods that you have prepared together.


- Have a picnic on the floor. Think summer and spread a blanket.  


- Have treasure hunts throughout the house. Children LOVE to find things.


 - Modeling with beeswax or playclay.


Whatever you do, do it TOGETHER. Sometimes boredom means they want and need your undivided time .


Stay tuned for more easy and fun activities for winter in the house.




                             happy day!

OH NO NOT THAT!

Does your child ever want to do something and your insides cringe? You want to immediately say no, and perhaps you do, or you may quickly squash the idea in a gentle way.


It happened to me, it happens to the best of us. Even mindful parents can have those moments. It is how we learn from them that matters.


You would think what my daughter wanted to do was something huge. You would think I would have to play a big part in it, the way it bothered me. 


I had to dig deep. WHY did it bother me? What was the big deal? Why did I have to let her sense my negativity when she was so excited?  Isn't that a smaller version of stepping on someone else's dreams? 


I was multi-tasking, had a deadline, was not in the best of moods, but that shouldn't play any part.


She is twelve. She could gather everything she needed herself. She and her friends could do it together without my help. She is able to climb ladders safely. She knows how to fold and do the laundry. I didn't have to be a part in it at all. 


She didn't bring it up again and I forgot all about it. . . 


until this morning.

And all I could do was stand there and smile. . . and grab my camera!


They made a tent with all our available blankets tablecloths and sheets. I stood there with my mouth open, and truth be told, I wanted to crawl in myself. 


It was held together with a multitude of clothespins.

And beneath the tent of fabric and warmth, three friends were fast asleep.

It was terrific and I loved it . . . 

and then the guilt seeped in.

Why did I have to be such a poo about it in the first place? 

Why couldn't I have been upbeat and cheery and given her words of encouragement?


Was it because once she takes it down, the blankets will just stay all around the room? (which is like an open invitation to allow the rest of the room to become messy. . .  have you ever noticed how that happens?) 


Did it bother me that all the blankets would be piled next to the washer and perhaps sit there for days?


Seriously. 
This was my child. 
A child, children actually, who had immense joy in constructing this and using this. In the scheme of life, what IS a mess of blankets in a room or a pile of blankets needing to be washed.


I have to tell them the moment they awaken, how glorious it is. And it can stay there for as long as she wants, and I am thankful I am stocked up on laundry detergent. 


It is a lesson to all of us. to breathe before we answer a child. It gives us those few milliseconds to respond in the best way possible, in a positive light, to encourage and allow their dreams to flourish and their imagination and ingenuity to take hold.


Every day is a new day.  We have a chance to start over, to change our responses, to look at life in a new light, and always strive for happiness.


happy day!

EMBRACING HALLOWEEN

My daughter loves Halloween. I am not a huge fan.
Talk of Halloween starts in the summer around here and my insides start to groan, although I smile and listen. And sure, I have helped the children with costumes, went trick or treating, even hosted parties over many years, but never really embraced the holiday. 

One year I left all the Halloween decorations in the box in the basement... oops! Noone commented until afterwards. But that happened in our new house, so in all fairness, maybe we didn't know where the box was.

This year was different for me. Halloween still isn't my favorite but it IS to my daughter. It matters a great deal to HER.  Her eyes light up while she tells of her plans and how she will decorate for her annual party. And then it hit me...like a ton of bricks, it is said. 

When you love someone you support them and their passions, and as a mindful and unschooling parent you most certainly do.

I started looking at it in a new way. . .  Halloween as her passion, as her interest, and like everything else, I encourage and support and help when needed. 
In simple terms I embraced Halloween.

We talked non-stop of her plans and she made many lists. We went to the library and poured over books and put bookmarks in all the crafts and recipes we were going to make for her party. It became exciting.

She took complete control and went to task and I was there as her sidekick to help with whatever needed to be done. Her energy was contagious and I began to enjoy myself, not so much because I love Halloween but because I love my child.

She insisted on a graveyard in the front yard which looked pretty spooky come nightfall. The graves did have to be supported a bit extra with dowels hammered into the ground and wire

around the gravestones to stand up to the wind, and it worked.

She hosted a pumpkin carving gathering the week before so the pumpkins were all ready to be lit and some party goers got to know one another a bit more.

She LOVES to decorate with streamers, no matter the occasion, and with a ladder and some duct tape she went to work. It looked terrific!

She is a huge fan of spider webs and webbed up everything. . . 

                           mirrors

bookshelves

                                   mantels

                                       walls

and lampshades.

She painted paper mache skeleton heads from a craft store and added them to the mantel.

Other touches were added around the room . . .the cat, of course, jumping into the pictures :)

We made large ghosts for the six front windows looking out onto the graveyard, inspiration from theMartha Stewart Halloween book.

She made Owl Cupcakes ! Directions here.

She got dressed . . . 

and was ready to greet her guests.

A spooky time was had by all!

Our week was so busy. We didn't make and do all the recipes and crafts we had bookmarked but it was fun looking and deciding. We didn't buy everything we wanted but it was fun browsing and shopping. 

We were two people with a common goal who were excited and interested. . . my daughter because she absolutely loves Halloween, and me mostly because I love my daughter. But I have to admit, I think I am already looking forward to next year. I'm  thinking about a candy hunt in the woodlands along a path lit with jack o lanterns.

When we, as parents, allow ourselves to be open to our children, to embrace what they are interested in, it enriches both our lives. We become closer to our children and they begin to share more of themselves, their wishes, hopes and dreams, and when we listen and become actively involved in their passions we show them they are valued, every single bit of them.

It is love in action.

                            happy Halloween!

THE LAST

Have you ever been in a situation when there's only a few bites left of ice cream in the freezer, or only a handful of crackers are left in the box, or just two cookies remain on the plate? 


You really want it but you feel guilty to eat the last one. 


But let's face it! Somebody has to be the last.


We joke at our house now when someone is annoyed that the ice cream is all gone and the cracker box is empty and the plate is bare without an offer to share...and we laugh and say "Well...somebody has to be the last one!" and we are OK with it.  


We know we can always get more and we feel noone should be made to feel guilty about eating the last. We know kids who were grounded for eating the last of the crackers. What does that teach a child anyway? 


There's nothing wrong with eating it yourself, being the last one, and not sharing.You are worth that ice cream or those crackers or cookies! Perhaps you, or your child, really really want it and you don't want to share.  Sharing should come from the heart anyway, not because of guilt or fear of punishment.


Next time someone, especially a child, wants to eat the last, smile and say "Go for it! Somebody has to be last!" and that child will feel better about himself and the world around him.



                                     happy day!

HOW DO YOU FEEL

Feelings are real. We feel what we feel, good or bad.

I think it's important for people of every age to get in touch with how they feel. 

To acknowledge their feelings and find ways to cope if they need to, always striving for more happiness and peace, is so very important.

I love this colorful poster to use with children, especially those who may not be aware or able to articulate how they feel .

There are cards too!  And characters to print and color and write a feeling.

                                   happy day!

I AM THAT MOM

 I have a soft spot when it comes to children and animals, and I believe in choice and freedom and happiness, especially where my kids are concerned.


When they wanted a rabbit to live inside I said sure and Chestnut became part of the family.


When they wanted chickens, and our first flock arrived unexpectantly early one winter, before a coop was built and the ground  still frozen, they lived in a bedroom. I was ok with that..sort of.


When they wanted a duckling and wanted it to live in the great room, of course it did...for awhile.


There was a day we had no dogs and the next day we had two dogs, and one was a puppy. The sweet grandbaby had allergies, and of course the dogs could come live with us.


And just recently, when they wanted a kitten I said yes, and instead got two kittens. I don't know how that happened, but the kids couldn't be happier, plus what's one more?


I am that mom that believe in my children and their choices and their happiness. I believe that animals and people belong together and caring for other living beings teaches us alot about our own selves. 


I am that mom that values people over posessions and believe a house is meant to be lived in and used to its maximum potential by the people who reside in it, whether a duck is waddling across the wooden floor or a kitten is knocking over a lamp.  It's the connections and the happiness that matters. I am that mom. 

This post is part of the impromptu Blog Carnival "I am that Mom" started by Ronnie  and inspired by Flo.


  Go HERE   to read more. and be sure to read all the links in the comment section.

CONNECT WITH YOUR TEEN

Have you connected with your teen lately? I mean really *connected*.

One connection I make with my teen son is to do errands together. He is of the shopping type, I am not, but I make it about him and not me and I invite him to join me and he most always says yes.

We headed to the store to buy shorts and t-shirts. Having money in his pocket to pick out the clothes he wants, try them on and pay for them is huge.

Did I want to ask a million questions about the clothes? Yes! Did I want to actually see them on him when he tried them on? Yes!
Did I? Nooooo. Seriously, does a 13 1/2 yr old boy, a mature one at that, want to come out of the dressing room and show his mom? And having love for his mom has nothing to do with it. It is about independence and freedom and autonomy.

 I trusted he knew what he wanted and that the clothes fit him. He needs to make his own choices, every teen does. I believe if children don't start making their own choices when they are young ( with the smaller things) how will they ever make the choices, right for them, once they are out in the world?

The same quote always resonates with me:
Freedom to learn is the way to learn to handle freedom.

Another way to connect with my son is to eat out together, a simple lunch, at a place he likes. Feeling relaxed and eating nourishing food together helps the conversation flow and a good mood always prevails. Sometimes he IS moody. Sometimes he doesn't feel like talking or sharing, but then again, the same could be said for me. It's not just a teen thing.

Once errands are completed , I look for other opportunities. Sometimes it's a stop at the video game store. Remember, it's about him, not me.(I am not at all a gamer.)

 Today was a stop at the music store where we stayed for eons amidst guitars, drums, keyboards and sheet music. There was an excitement in the air as conversation flowed on and on and on and he was quite animated discussing the various instruments and his dreams. Music IS his passion.

 I smiled and felt happy and content sitting on stools among the guitars listening to my teen, my knowledgeable, mature teen. When did he grow up?
He grabbed an acoustic off the rack and started playing softly as he continued talking.

The moment was so real and felt magical...a true connection.
I gave him all the time in the world, was present in the moment and listened to him with all my heart.

Sometimes I forget that we both *need* these connections on a regular basis. Life can get so busy and crazy but connections really need to come first. . .there's nothing more important than the relationship with your child.

CHOICE

You love your tea time each morning. It is a time you look forward to and really enjoy.

BUT:

Suppose you were given a cup of tea to drink, but oh, it wasn't in your favorite mug, you know, the one you love with the bright colors, the one you want to sip your tea from, the one that felt good in your hands and held a good amount of tea, the one that just made you happy.

Suppose you were told to drink it in the chair over by the wall, when what you really wanted to do was to sit in the chair by the window, to see what birds were visiting the feeder on this bright sunny morning. The comfy chair where you felt more relaxed and excited to look out at the natural world.

Suppose you hadn't even finished your tea yet and you were told to "come here" " this very minute" "right now" ! but you were still sipping and thinking your thoughts and observing the outdoors and feeling calm and peaceful.

It all feels a bit unsettling, doesn't it???

That's how if feels for a child when she has no opportunity to choose, to decide what she wants and where she wants it.

A child who is given many choices as a young one grows up learning to make decisions that are right for her as she grows. It becomes second nature. A very young child, even a toddler, knows what she wants.

Try this at home.
See how many choices you can give your child, as safety allows,of course.. from small things to big things. But you must be ok with the choice the child picks. Otherwise trust will be lost between you.

As a child grows, so should the choices.
After all, don't we want our children to be freethinkers in this world?  It doesn't happen overnight, they have to be allowed to choose and have practice making decisions.

Older children who are used to having choices and making alot of their own decisions become comfortable with themselves. They know what they need and want, and have learned what is right for them. They rarely succumb to peer pressure because they have been used to speaking their mind and making choices from early on.

Many children who grow up with choice are very choosy how they want to spend their time and
who they want to spend it with . They have learned what is and what is not right for them. They have learned their time is as valuable as they are.

 I have living proof in my house...two of them  :)

Do you give your children choices?

SO YOU THINK YOU WANT TO HOMESCHOOL

"I really want to homeschool my child, but I just don't know " and their voice trails off as they are deep in thought. This is a statement I have heard repeatedly, and then they ask for advice.

  My two youngest children, who are now 13 1/2 and almost 12,  have always lived WITHOUT school. My four older children went to school and college, one graduates in May, so I can compare.

Life without school is GLORIOUS and is a wondrous JOURNEY!

Here's some of my advice:

- Please know that you can homeschool...legally and with confidence. You CAN do it!  

-All you need to do is LOVE your child WHOLEHEARTEDLY and want to see your child HAPPY.

-You don't need to know everything, but just know where to go to find the information, resources and experiences to provide your child a RICH ENVIRONMENT where learning is JOYFUL and EXCITING.

-You need to be willing to see outside the box though , to REDEFINE LEARNING as you know it (school and separate subjects) .
All of learning and life is INTERCONNECTED. Learning takes places at all times and in all forms.
The WHOLE WORLD is out there to draw from, so please do not mimic school at home.

-Don't worry about a curriculum or textbooks (don't waste your money!), instead, look to your child and see what INTERESTS him/her and START there. Go to libraries, bookstores, videostores, toystores, museum shops,etc. Find something that looks COOL and bring it home. You never know where it may lead.

-TUNE INTO what interests YOU. What are YOU passionate about?  Go forth with that . You will be sharing that experience whether your child joins in or just asks questions. And more importantly, you are modeling that LEARNING IS LIFELONG and that all people need BALANCE in their lives and TIME to devote to their passions.

- READ books and websites about learning, homeschooling, unschooling, mindful parenting, etc with an OPEN MIND.
Know that noone is 100% like someone else, but as you read you can take in what will fit in YOUR life.
More knowledge might cause you to QUESTION your life and your expectations. It's a good thing...to question and re-evaluate your life ...to make it the BEST it can be, for yourself and for your child.

- Don't worry about what kind of homeschooler you are or need to be. Don't compare yourselves to other homeschoolers and what they are doing. Everyone is UNIQUE and the benefit of learning without school is to go with that *uniqueness*.
Just let your days FLOW and see learning in all that you do and everywhere you go. Keep a journal for yourself if you must. You will be amazed at what you do and what you learn.

-Realize that people learn things readily and with Joy IF it has MEANING to them. Think back to YOUR school days.


- Be your child's PARTNER . Talk about EVERYTHING (do you know how much learning takes place in conversations?).  And really LISTEN to your child with all your being.
Be IN THE MOMENT. 
Let him/her tell you and show you WHY he likes what he likes and vice versa. JOIN IN with his passions with him. You will gain much more than knowledge. Respect, love, trust come to mind. And your child will feel valued.

- Ask yourself often, Is my child HAPPY? Am I happy? If not, what one step can you take to make life better? One small step to start with, then the next and so on.
People tend to shrug off the word happy and minimize the importance of happiness. It's a small word but a very important and powerful one.

If you can truly say you and your child are HAPPY,
then Life IS good and you are on your way.

With a Happy Heart

I used to say "with a happy heart" as I spoke with a child who seemed to be less than joyful.
It was saying to him please be kind or please have a positive outlook.

But feelings are REAL .we *feel what we feel* and let's face it, sometimes we are not too happy. That's ok. What IS important, is to acknowledge what we DO feel and go from there. ....

 A child needs to be allowed to feel, to be encourged to let it all out, whether it's a good feeling or a bad feeling. It is what it is. It shouldn't be hidden or hushed up or minimized but felt with full force, unheeded, with raw emotion and awareness and not tucked away to cause anguish at another time.

How else will a child learn to cope if he can't express his emotions freely? When feelings are acknowledged, people feel valued .Our emotions are part of who we are.

It empowers a child to be able to feel and handle his own emotions, to know what he needs when he needs it. It could be yelling and screaming, going off alone, punching a pillow, or running and jumping. Only the child knows what he truly needs and we can help them all along the way.

So next time there's a cranky toddler in a store or some sibling rivalry going on or your teen has an attitude, breathe and allow them to feel. Then see what you can do to help.
Our children are our partners in the journey of life.


May you have a happy heart . . . most of the time  :)