TWEEN TO TEEN

"Mom! I KNOW!",  she said, standing, confident and exasperated, with hands on her hips.

This is the child who never raises her voice, who always has a smile, who helps others without being asked and who inspires me to be a better person each day of my life. 


A child who is now annoyed with her mother.


Rightly so, I must admit. But in all fairness, I'm just being the same mom doing what I always do. When did she change? When did she not need me to suggest ways to convey her wishes or encouragement to take part in certain endeavors?  


It's been so gradual I haven't even noticed. She has always had freedom and choice but still  always wanted my input or needed my advice.


I have noticed her increased confidence. I know she values herself and her time immensely. I know she is very choosy about what she does and who she spends her time with. And I guess with all of this comes that confidence to be more independent and handle life herself. A stepping stone of life, of freedom.


She is not antagonistic, she is not terrible, she is not rebellious nor self-centered or any other negative word that people use to describe a teen.


She is just growing up. She is becoming independent. She is feeling confident enough to handle what comes her way herself. And that IS what we want for our children. 


So now it is ME who has to change. I need to back up, breathe, and wait and see IF she needs a suggestion or guidance from me, for I am always here for her.


I suppose I could feel a bit sad that she doesn't need me like she used to, but why would I, when I know she is blossoming into a confident, self-assured young woman who believes in herself and trusts her own judgement.

As we continue our journey in life, we are emerging from the child and parent partnership to  becoming new partners, woman to woman and friend to friend.  
And how glorious that each stage in life has gifts for us to enjoy and savor . . . just like each season in nature does.


  happy day!  happy life!

WISDOM WISDOM - REVERB 10

Day 10 prompt- Wisdom Wisdom 


What was the wisest decision you made this year, and how did it play out?

I chose to be supportive and full of encouragement for my always unschooled son who wanted to try school for the first time ever in his life. It was what he truly wanted and I needed to be there for him with positive vibes. It was his decision to go and I wanted him to be happy.


Focusing on the positive made it a better experience for him. . . and me. It made me realize that high school wasn't all bad, certainly not for a kid, a freethinker, who has had freedom and choice his whole life and knows he can leave school at any time. 


It has only been three months and he is immensely happy. He views school as  just another *tool* to get him where he wants to go on his life's journey. School has already done what he has wanted. He has met many new friends, gets to stay in contact with the friends he already has, and has a girlfriend. He is a member of Theatre and was in a play, a musical, and played guitar in the talent show, and has had offers to be in a band. 


He has established relationships with other adults, including teachers. He is responsible, respectful and confident and has already made a name for himself as such.  He is making many more connections from topics that they have touched on in classes and is taking workshops after school in things that interest him. He will also start Fencing in a month and wants to play more instruments.


 The best decision I made was to support him and look to the positive, no matter how I feel about school. Life is good for him. He is expanding his world in all directions and the bottom line is that he is happy. 


You can read more about him here and here.
(The picture at the top is from the musical. He's on the right.)

reverb 10 - reflect on this year and manifest what's next

                                  happy day!

FIRSTS

Riding the school bus and attending school were firsts for him today, in all of his fourteen years.


I watched a happy, confident, always unschooled young man leap onto the bus with a smile and a wave of his hand my way. 


Last year I would have cried, actually, last year I did cry when he told me he was thinking about going to school. But I have grown this past year and have realized it's not about me, it's about him and what he wants in his life, and I am here to support him in each and every endeavor.


I felt happy and excited as I watched the bus drive away because I know HE is happy about embarking on this new adventure. 

Freedom, choice and trust empower our children to choose what is right for them and to take risks without worrying about making mistakes. They learn from each and every experience and get to know and trust their own selves even deeper.

School will be a journey, as is all of life. He knows he can leave at any time if he feels it is not the right place for him.


 I would like to blog his journey with school here, that is, if he doesn't mind. I will have to ask him  :)

  It is a  happy day!

MORE THAN A NAME

He is bright, inquisitive, responsible and respectful, with an immense focus and a dry sense of humor. He is the fifth of six children in a close family and has spent his days on a tiny lot off the center of town, and the last five and a half years on twelve glorious acres filled with nature and animals  


He will tell you that he is a *city boy* though, preferring action, challenges, people and places more than the quietness and beauty of nature, and the hard work having animals entails. While he *can* run the small farm by himself, and take care of the horses, rabbits, ducks, chickens, kittens and dog, it is not his passion and where his heart lies. He helps because he is part of a family, a community. He can appreciate nature and will run to show something interesting he has found and follow trails in the woodlands with his friends, so he does have awareness of the natural world . 


He can solve any math or number problem that comes across in daily life before some people can even think about how to go about figuring it out. 


He has always been drawn to music and has played piano since age five and has recently taught himself guitar, with a few formal lessons mixed in. He writes songs late at night, and has recently been playing his guitar in the company of his friends.


He has great computer skills and likes to play computer and video games as well as sudoku, tangrams, card games, and word games like Scrabble, Boggle and Bananagrams. He is quite good at chess, checkers and backgammon. He has great focus and concentration, and certainly more so when something has meaning for him and is enjoyable.


He has played organized sports in the past , town soccer, Little league baseball through majors, and travel basketball, until at age 12  he said he was finished. He felt it was too much of a time committment and he wanted more time to devote to his music. He still plays these sports but with friends when he wants to. He also enjoys roller blading, skateboarding, biking, golf and watching sports and movies.


He enjoys learning about people and their lives, from historical figures to political figures to rock stars. He loves Mythology. He likes knowing about many things...a glorious generalist...and can carry on a conversation with adults as easily as he can with his peers. At first glance, he may appear quiet and shy as he assesses each situation before delving in.


He is very choosy about how he spends his time and who he spends it with. He is easily annoyed by people who waste his time, whether in a classroom or a club. Even as a young boy, he could never understand how the boys in his cub scout den could not pay attention for just one hour, instead of fooling around causing everyone else grief. He quit because he felt it was a waste of his time.


He also has no use for people who are demeaning and disrespectful. He may not confront them in a crowd , he will just have nothing much to do with them in the future.

He has a full life, a close family and a good group of friends he cares about. He has been allowed to make choices from an early age. 


If a child is given the freedom to make choices at an early age, he will grow up knowing how, and will continue making the choices that are *right* for him through to adulthood, and not be swayed by anyone or anything else. 


He is trusted to  know what he wants and needs, and always with  guidance if he needs it.

"How do I know I don't like school, if I have never been?" has been the question he has asked frequently in the last few months and a few times last year. 


He has never been to school and has learned most of what he knows through living life and being immersed in what interests him. He has taken various homeschool classes, belonged to homeschool co-ops, and has taken part in many activities and fieldtrips with others throughout the years, has been allowed to pursue his passions and has been happy.

But now he wants to experience school. All of his close friends go to school, some here, some there. There was a certain restlessness in him this past winter, even though his days were full. He wanted more. He needed more. Perhaps school isn't what he needs, but he thinks it is and his choice will be honored.

At age fourteen, he says he wants to be *in the mix* of kids and the goings-on, day in and day out. He knows he can learn faster and delve deeper on his own, but he says he wants the *high school experience*. He also wants to partake in some clubs, most notably drama. 


He needs to find out for himself, firsthand.


Since college is in his future for now, he says he knows it is better to unschool until college, than it is to go to high school and not do the work and get bad grades. He realizes this and intends to do the work and do it well. 


He is determined to do what it takes to be where he wants to be. He also knows he can come home at anytime if he feels it is not the right place for him.


This past year he chose to take high school classes through the homeschool co-op:
Biology
Creative writing- Novel
Photography 
Electronics
Cardio kickboxing
Junior Volunteer
Geography ( with another teen group)


Classes taken previous years with the co-op and other groups:
Latin
American History
Shakespeare
Ancient history: Egypt, Roman, Greek
Mythology
Forensics
Electricity
Native Americans
Drama 
Study skills

Civil War Day

Archery 

He is a member of the library leadership team

He helps in his sister's organic egg business and on our small farm.

He takes part in a 4 day unschooling conference each August.
He took part at a teen camp in NY this summer.
He traveled to San Diego this summer, alone and confident, to spend a few weeks with his older brother.


He also took a standardized test in June, the first test ever, and scored well above grade level.


This letter is to let you have a glimpse of our son and his life up until now, instead of just his name on a page.  His name is _________________and he is looking forward to becoming a student at your high school this September.


**************************************


I believe parents are here to love and guide their children through life and help when needed, allowing them to try many things, and above all, believe in them, respect and honor their choices, and trust that they do know what they want and need.


My son wants to try school. That is his choice, and the bottom line is, I want him to be happy. I look at it as just another learning experience along life's journey, whether he stays in school or not. Being unschooled all his life, he is a freethinker and more than prepared to handle what comes his way.


This letter was written to the principal and asst superintendent because he IS more than a name, and honestly, they are very lucky to have him  :)
                         ~marcia

LIKE- MINDS

Friendly, joyous, kind, generous, real, and respectful are some of the words that come to mind when we gather with like-minded families. I can't help but SMILE when I think of our days together. Most recently we attended a gathering at a lake in central MA. 

There was swinging. . .  for all ages

and swimming 

                                     

                                  and sand play

and discovering

and some love.

There was jumping

and hooping

(Directions to make your own hoop here)

                                       

                                    and boffer-ing

           (Directions to make your own boffer here and here.)

                                  and blowing bubbles

                                   and eating.

      There was decorating of t-shirts.

                                 and listening to music

                                    and watching the fire.

There is a different *vibe* at unschooling gatherings. Paramount is how welcome people feel, how all age children are happy and get along with one another, how parents respect children and children respect parents, and everyone is accepted,young and old, for who they are at the moment. Peaceful and joyful and fun . It doesn't get much better than this  :)

                                       happy day!

CONNECT WITH YOUR TEEN

Have you connected with your teen lately? I mean really *connected*.

One connection I make with my teen son is to do errands together. He is of the shopping type, I am not, but I make it about him and not me and I invite him to join me and he most always says yes.

We headed to the store to buy shorts and t-shirts. Having money in his pocket to pick out the clothes he wants, try them on and pay for them is huge.

Did I want to ask a million questions about the clothes? Yes! Did I want to actually see them on him when he tried them on? Yes!
Did I? Nooooo. Seriously, does a 13 1/2 yr old boy, a mature one at that, want to come out of the dressing room and show his mom? And having love for his mom has nothing to do with it. It is about independence and freedom and autonomy.

 I trusted he knew what he wanted and that the clothes fit him. He needs to make his own choices, every teen does. I believe if children don't start making their own choices when they are young ( with the smaller things) how will they ever make the choices, right for them, once they are out in the world?

The same quote always resonates with me:
Freedom to learn is the way to learn to handle freedom.

Another way to connect with my son is to eat out together, a simple lunch, at a place he likes. Feeling relaxed and eating nourishing food together helps the conversation flow and a good mood always prevails. Sometimes he IS moody. Sometimes he doesn't feel like talking or sharing, but then again, the same could be said for me. It's not just a teen thing.

Once errands are completed , I look for other opportunities. Sometimes it's a stop at the video game store. Remember, it's about him, not me.(I am not at all a gamer.)

 Today was a stop at the music store where we stayed for eons amidst guitars, drums, keyboards and sheet music. There was an excitement in the air as conversation flowed on and on and on and he was quite animated discussing the various instruments and his dreams. Music IS his passion.

 I smiled and felt happy and content sitting on stools among the guitars listening to my teen, my knowledgeable, mature teen. When did he grow up?
He grabbed an acoustic off the rack and started playing softly as he continued talking.

The moment was so real and felt magical...a true connection.
I gave him all the time in the world, was present in the moment and listened to him with all my heart.

Sometimes I forget that we both *need* these connections on a regular basis. Life can get so busy and crazy but connections really need to come first. . .there's nothing more important than the relationship with your child.